my boyfriend ex is more successful than me
The first one was on a similar degree to me when we were together, and after we broke up she ended up dropping out and then trying to become a croupier. My live-in boyfriend and I have been together for two years. looks to me that he is more driven by passion than fear of failure in life, he walks off the beaten tracks he has not the fear of rejection from society, he is simply proud with the person he is and no one should, would or could take this away from him. You dated for a while, but things started falling apart. Since past disappointments can shape your outlook and capacity to trust, it makes sense that you are driven to seek reassurance, validation, recognition, and acknowledgment from your partner. Your ex didn’t initially realize that he or she has hurt you badly. There is a secret plan to undermine your relationship. Your ex was merely reacting on impulse by saying or doing the things that seemed right at the time. Yeah, I guess you could say things are really starting to get serious. I did not believe he gave her up and still refused to give him the cash. hit the nail on the head. I don't think we were hating on anyone, it's just that things are not always as they appear so trying to figure it out is a fruitless endeavor which leaves fivespot in the same position he was in before he got the news, healing. I remind myself that I have my own strengths, my own beauty. And I pulled the trigger on those friendships for no damn reason. We are not friends anymore but enemies . If I was talking to my ex as an old friend (which I NEVER will) and she asked how I was doing, I'd have to lie and say, you know what...I'm great! What hurts me the most is...well I guess this whole thing has made me take a good, hard look at my life and realize, I'm not happy. I had a dream my boyfriend got shot ? They spoke to him. Because she had no problem telling me she's seeing someone, rather than give us both a chance and see what happens. Rather, the onus is primarily on you to manage your insecurity about a relationship that predates you, especially when the fixation is yours, not your partner's. The sun before ! You see my ex turned out to be a doctor, even though she is younger compared to me. You resent your partner, but you resent their ex even more for having had a relationship with him or her. fivespot, you are not pathetic at all. I know I'm not in any competition with my ex. Always was so romantic, the way she was looking at me talking to me, kissing me. When these fears are indulged, they can result in paranoia and preoccupation with the ex. There is nobody else like me. Well I say it's true money don't buy love, but where I am sitting, it would make me happy to have a few extra Ben Franklins in my bank account for the simple fact I need to pay for college, get a new apartment to live in, and pay down some debts...money can be useful. I work with elderly people...I know many that have never been married. I'm honest-to-god 100% over her and I feel nothing for her. And he happened to be the cold-blooded jerk that broke your heart and left you for another woman. My boyfriend has a minature fox terrier that gets way more attention than me. Feeling insecure about your partner’s ex? My first two girlfriends are definitely not more successful than me. Just work on yourself and support him Thanks for this, I … This fear can be so consuming that it imposes an undue burden, altering the way you view yourself, your partner, and your relationship. It’s serious. It's easy to feel jealous but at the end of the day, he's more sucessful than you and it's not a bad thing. I'm so sorry Lola. Ko. Here's a thought : maybe you don't need a relationship right now? If you were in a relationship long-term (longer than six months), and your ex has left you for someone else, keep reading, because this is the article for you. Its really late so my appologies for the spelling and possible poor grammer i missed if something seems offensive or out of line just let me know. And my ex is doing better than ever. My bf is extremely talented and hardworking. Here are some reality-based perspectives to help you decrease your fear: By doubting your worth in the relationship, you are inadvertently setting your partner’s ex and their relationship up to be superior to yours. Do you believe your partner’s ex knows them better than you do? If it doesnt come in a couple years, try eharmony or one of those websites. Now, I said longer than six months because it takes at least four months to get to know a person romantically to a high degree, and another two months to form an emotional connection with him or her. The more you build up their ex, the more you fear being rejected. I was in a bar having a great time, and she was awful to me from the beginning. Tells me how "zen" she is and calm. Dreams have been described as dress rehearsals for real life, opportunities to gratify wishes, and a form of nocturnal therapy. After breaking up with me he became more focused in school work, got over his Facebook addiction, and even became student of the month for … The more you build up their ex, the more you fear being rejected. Money and rich laywers dont necessarily mean happiness. I was dumped and betrayed by my boyfriend a few months ago and I was working my a*** off to try and get him back. I've been in a similar situation where I was feeling a bit bad that my ex had it going better than me. everyone has a different path to take in life - focus on your own path and making yourself happy instead of what your ex may or may not be feeling. My life didn't feel so bad after all. He’s a performer and already has a solid fan base and is traveling the country and has plans to travel the world under his new management to perform. My bf is a great guy who happens to be successful. “My girlfriend makes a lot more than me. Live your life and don't pay her any mind. For him, opportunities seemed to fall into place (he admitted this). You are beautiful, and incredibly loved. But he still defends her. I highly doubt that he is actually really happy if he needs to gloat about his monetary success... Getting information from a third party about someone's degree of happiness is not necessarily going to tell you the whole truth. The most "successful" people are some of the most screwed up and unhappy people on the planet.[/quote. My ex Narc was parading a new love around our area looking all happy to make me jealous when I refused him a large amount of money. The sun before ! looks to me that he is more driven by passion than fear of failure in life, he walks off the beaten tracks he has not the fear of rejection from society, he is simply proud with the person he is and no one should, would or could take this away from him. You may want to hear highlights about their ex's flaws. Shockingly, they didn’t play ball with my controlling ways. It doesn't matter that he said you're "prettier on the inside." Yeah that's true, but I doubt the appearance he got is 100% true. If your partner often speaks with an ex girlfriend … Upload or insert images from URL. But let’s say, for example, my partner’s ex was some beautiful model. First and foremost, your insecurity may be understandable, especially if you've endured challenging relationships with caregivers and other important people in your life, including romantic partners who have let you down. I am hardworking too, but I am struggling to find my own form of success. You are inferior to your partner’s ex. I'll try and keep this brief. like the others said - maybe she he is a rich jerk....... or maybe he's the nicest sweetest greatest guy who also has TONS of money. To many people, a woman being involved with wealthy professional must automatically mean that woman must be on cloud nine really happy. It is the way of the self-valued. An ex would not tell a mutual friend "I miss him so much and cry myself to sleep at night". Hey I have no problems with success. to bed (set, go) 23. My friend, a scriptwriter, had been with her boyfriend for six years when they broke up. The fact that the word “ex” signifies a breakup is lost in the fear and paranoia that you will be abandoned unless you stay vigilant. Because fixating on something and someone you have no control over does not leave room for reassurance that will stick. i know plenty of people who have successful careers AND are perfectly happy, centered people. But to me, at this point, it's better than being alone...which will happen eventually. In relationships, you are only responsible for yourself. To combat that instinct, keep working on self-awareness. I'm being strung along by some girl and I'm letting it happen because I'm desperate. I think my boyfriends ex is gorgeous she's toothpick skinny perfect smile everything.. he tells me I'm the hottest girlfriend he's had but when I read comments he posted on her pictures before me and him started dating it makes me feel so insecure. January 21, 2021. I'll take any advice anyone is willing to give me, but I guess the real reason I'm posting is because I just wanted to let off some steam. it feels like you are lying to yourself. I didn’t think too much about the difference in our income until now. How Do I Not Go Crazy? Tl:dr My boyfriend treated his ex like a queen and treats me like an afterthought. Money just doesnt make people happy. COVID-19 Update: Nigeria Reported 114,691 New Cases Plus … looks to me that Mr boyfriend values friendship and his loved one’s well being more than his futile professional race or ascension. At any rate, it made you start to question yourself. What do you do if your boyfriend’s ex is actually “better” than you – better looking, more successful, highly intelligent, wealthier, etc.? i've asked this question before on here, and the responses i got all said her because i "was too fake" and "wore too much makeup". thank you! Last night, our conversation was quite dull so I looked up “21 questions to ask your boyfriend” on the internet. 2. × My ex left me after I moved up to be closer to her. Rebecca Whitten says: February 14, 2020 at 3:32 pm. We all have them. I got ‘under’ someone way too soon. Do not look at others and assume that life is just peachy for them...you never really know behind the scenes if it is really all that peachy...and even if it is peachy at that point in time, you never now when things will have a downturn. It was after I found out the details and found out she was happy did it really kind of bug me. And it depresses me because I only met two decent girls this whole year, this one and someone else, and neither of them have their stuff together. You heard that she is doing quite well but you really have no idea what is going on internally. I kept comparing myself with him all the time. So that's my life. I have not spoken to her for many years. Actually women who marry into rich families tend to be really unhappy. If they even spoke to my ex, that was a betrayal worse than any other. He should be worrying about himself though, you are right in that regard. You may even fear being abandoned by a partner, who, in your mind, couldn't possibly be completely over their ex. As you can well understand, that is not the healthiest way to transition into a secure, mutually-supportive relationship. I didn’t think too much about the difference in our income until now. When you inflate the ex’s importance to your partner, you are setting your relationship up to fail, because the only way to envision your partner’s relationship with their ex is by making their ex come alive through your fear-ridden, distorted lens. He’s a performer and already has a solid fan base and is traveling the country and has plans to travel the world under his new management to perform. My Ex Boyfriend Is Still Sexually Attracted To Me: Why Is My Ex Boyfriend Flirting With Me Again. We are both females. It rocks! 12-10-2008, 12:01 AM #2. fivespot, You are allowed to resent your partner’s ex for your own sanity, but you’re not allowed to impose your feelings on your partner. The more entrenched you become in your convictions, the more you grow suspicious of your partner and seek continual affirmation from them. It can even feel comforting to compel your partner to join you in dismissing or downplaying their past relationship. The guy is usually a stuck up * * * * * who sleeps around. Everything was great. The reason i say that is, if your doing things your interested in you wont pay as much attention to what girls are in the room you will be more interested in who in this room can i talk to about my intrests .... ex. But meanwhile, I spent an entire year not dating anyone because I wasn't ready. The more you invent ways to compete, the more opportunities you invent to see yourself as inferior.3. But I found out she's gotten really serious with this big-shot lawyer, and his family is apparently worth millions. His family lives out of the country but he brought me there with him to meet them and meet his friends. Have been for years. changes partners more often than socks; spends more time dating than on oneself; posts sad or frustrating relationship quotes ; talks badly about the people that he or she dated; 5)Drugs and addictions. Through gestures, she looked more passionate than me even though I was probably the one feeling the relationship more. Up until tonight, she was the furthest thing from my mind. Paste as plain text instead, × Focus on something else, a hobby, one of your goals that you never accomplished. But let’s say, for example, my partner’s ex was some beautiful model. 5. Find your group chat here >> start new discussion reply. Our relationship is the longest he has been in, and we have a five-month-old daughter. My social media life is a serious mess. She used to send him cards with kisses on them. Announcements Applying to uni? Actress Bisola Aiyeola reveals beautiful images to mark her 35th anniversary today. They don't know the true story behind the scenes..the fact that you are miserable, settling for someone who doesn't treat you right etc. Everyone loves a romance, especially when they see the romance with a well-to-do person. This is very helpful advice. After the third time I heard he is still seeing her, he denied it and said people were trying to break us up. But a part of me still gets jealous whenever I see him success in something. Rich does not equal happy. She’d invested a whole lot of her heart and soul and time and energy in him, though they maintained separate residences, and she was devastated when he left, with the same all-consuming dark grief we’ve all been through. And she calls and hangs up on me. and … Last weekend, I met my boyfriend’s ex. We met at a bar my sophomore year of college. Treat the most recent woman the same way you are treating your ex, nc. × There is nobody else like me. I feel like this is better than having no one...although this is probably only a half of a step up from having no one. I wish I had known ENA then. Your vigilance is meant to somehow prevent your partner from going back to their ex. That may or may not be the case..the only person who REALLY knows is the woman herself. The more you build up their ex, the more you fear being rejected. Answer Questions. I’ve been so busy I don’t even remember the last time I thought about him for more than a second or two.” “Thank you, God, from the bottom of my heart that the woman he dropped in on is healthy, happy, and busy, making a lot of progress in her life he couldn’t help but notice, instead of that hollow, heartbroken, immobile shell of a woman who was living here a year and a half ago.” One guy in particular always goes on about how upset he is with how his life turned out because he never had anyone. looks to me that Mr boyfriend values friendship and his loved one’s well being more than his futile professional race or ascension. Why is everyone assuming she's miserable? you go out to eat with your current fling and you see a whack of girls and think there cute and begin to wonder if they would like you... meanwhile your trying to keep up with a conversation about your flings hair ( maybe your interested in hair idk use something you are not overly excited about). You are the one who decides whether you have a future or not. I know existentially none of us is more important to humanity than the next person. I'm successful, too...to a lesser extent. I was at a point in life where nobody really liked me, so I was saddened. Hillary Clinton leads a charmed life...yet her husband has had numerous affairs...so wealth, power, a charismatic husband etc doesn't change the fact that behind the scenes she had major major heartbreak and humiliation. Display as a link instead, × That has happened to me before and I tried to tell my ex boyfriend that it made me uncomfortable, which resulted in my being lectured about “controlling him.” That relationship ended fairly soon after that nonsense. If I just look at the amount of love and not any other relationship factors, I would honestly say I “loved” my first boyfriend more than I love my husband. She is probably earning 10 times more than me right now and 100 times more successful. or maybe she isn't. I am super proud of him and he deserves it! Understanding your contribution to the dynamics of your relationship is the most powerful tool you have for addressing your fears about your partner’s ex. You are right, dont concentrate on her or her life and compare. Then she says to him he is just taking my money...I plan on buying into his house once we are married...I did buy us a car..but once the house payment comes in he will pay me back. I even found out she was dating this guy two months ago and it didn't bother me. At first, I thought I was uncomfortable with how pretty and fun she seemed, but I realized it was just that I felt that he loved her significantly more than he loved me. 5)Guilt . What to do if all ur dreams crash ? The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. Just be happy in you. Steeped in suspicion, you risk infecting your relationship. what matters is that you have to move on and not be so concerned with 'measuring yourself' against her. It doesn't matter that he said you're "prettier on the inside." My ex over exaggerates to his friends about how much he earns. Also she lives just around the corner from us. The only thing they did was secretly meet at her place. Yet I have never called her or written her. And you want to know what’s worse? I know how you feel. One of the questions was: “Have you ever loved anyone more than me?” I'm dating a rich lawyer. When you're assessing your partner's ex and insist that you are actually looking at your partner’s ex in the same way your partner does — which you're not — you may deem their ex to be more attractive, intelligent, or successful than you. take your mind off of it for a couple months and then start anew. I think deep down ... everyone is 'pathetic'. As you struggle to contain your feelings about your partner's past, keep in mind that people often go into relationships not realizing that they are looking to their new partner to make up for past heartbreak, rejection, shame, and unmet longings that predated their time with you. I only wear eyeliner and mascara and she wears literally everything. We text each other and chat online, but that's about it. We are both females. As far as feeling bad about her love life, don't. So focus on your own life...and one place I would start is by ending this farce of a relationship you are currently in because you deserve better. For QAnon Believers Facing Reality, What Happens Now? People make BIG assumptions based on external appearances, preconceived notions and what they themselves wish for. I've become more active on social media, enough that it's inspiring me and not being the dark hole people make it out to be (other than looking up his ex). You may not realize how much responsibility you are placing on your partner to help you feel more secure about yourself. Now, if her guy is seeing the ex socially without Smith present, talking to her often, etc, then yes that is a big red flag. All i know is that she is working at a coffee shop. As far as the ex and her new bf are concerned ...give it no thought...worry about you! Your right nothing wrong with sucessful people. This reader has a situation that really demonstrates how Girls seriously hits the … He works so hard, and I couldn't be happier for him, but I'm definitely more than a little jealous (because, well, who wouldn't be?!). As you continue to build the case against the viability of your current relationship, you are also promoting the "amazingness" of your partner's past relationship. "If you and your [partner] run into their ex and the exchange is normal, without any verbal or physical awkwardness, then they are probably more into you than their ex," Henry says. You cannot paste images directly. How did she know they never went anyplace as she was "dating" a married man. Much more than I ever expected it to. And my ex is doing better than ever. this is all about YOU. My long-distance significant other and I have been dating for a little over two years. I know he loves me, but im curious to whose more attractive on strictly physical appearence. You are suspicious that your partner’s ex has ulterior motives. I remind myself that my boyfriend loves me for me. The results of these kinds of comparisons are unfairly burdensome and unrealistic: They are exes, after all. If your ex is doing drugs and became addicted to various unhealthy things, this is a huge sign of unhappiness. You've had … December 10, 2008 in Healing After Break Up or Divorce. I'm guessing engagement isn't too far off. I made that clear to them from the minute it was over. I remind myself that my boyfriend loves me for me. Despite past traumas, there is no way to build a secure foundation in your partnership other than to take a leap of faith that your partner is who they appear to be. Violations of Social Norms Stretch the Imagination, Young Adults Remain at Serious Risk of Mental Health Crises. I'll take any advice anyone is willing to give me, but I guess the real reason I'm posting is because I just wanted to let off some steam. It's only a matter of time, you believe, until your partner dumps you upon realizing they're really supposed to be with their ex. It’s also important to keep in mind that your partner can’t help the relationships they were in previously, and the same holds true for you. You hooked up. The reality is that a broken heart can happen whether you put trust in your relationship or not. Why unprovable? But I later found out - he had a host of problems, no real girlfriend, he got uglier, had family problems, & didn't get into his goal college. A month later she is getting married and all her friends are super supportive of it. But whatever. What do you do if your boyfriend’s ex is actually “better” than you – better looking, more successful, highly intelligent, wealthier, etc.? My boyfriend John (fake name alert) was really close with his ex, whom he had broken up with seven years prior. ... Much more than I ever expected it to. So that makes nobody really pathetic .. Oh goodness me, I mustn't tell my boyfriend that I wish he would compliment me more, otherwise the entire nation will crumble before us because … There is an expression "all that glitters is not gold". My ex and I were together for 6 years. There is power in denial. It’s serious. You cannot fathom how your partner could possibly be over their ex and into you. The beginning of our relationship was really amazing and intense. That doesnt mean she's doing very well. But you know what? Your partner negatively compares you to their ex. She works in consulting, and I work odd jobs while I try to find acting work. Then, when she sees me again she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling attracted to the new me.” A new theory aims to make sense of it all. Ko. I posted try-hard pictures of me and my besties having the ‘time of our lives’. Well, fear no more, because this quiz will let you know if he really loves you or jus... Are you starting to worry whether your boyfriend/husband loves you or not? Your turn will come. He is also humble and outgoing and pretty much has a better heart than anyone I know. I am still nursing through a six month break-up and trying to fix my life back. Everything gets easier with practice, even resisting the urge to make comparisons. Ko. Your link has been automatically embedded. Holding on to suspiciousness and distrust won’t protect you from feeling devastated if your relationship ends. Observe What Part of Yourself You Don't Like. I actually took her places, introduced her to my family(my mother was in love with her). Go to first unread Skip to page: Anonymous #1 #1 Report Thread starter 3 years ago #1 I should say first that my partner is 5 years older than me, so perhaps I am expecting too much, but here goes. Here are some common beliefs people have about their partner’s ex, followed by ways to help shift your perspective toward feeling more comfortable and confident in your relationship with your partner.1. She messages him almost daily, just how is your day, want to come and have a coffee, can you help me pick some thing up, i have tried to cut my bush can you do it for me. I have no idea what he'll think of my ex or my past taste in men, if he ever saw a picture of my Ex. Irrational resentment is infectious, and the suspicion that accompanies it drives you to prove the unprovable. As you become flooded with insecurity, there is a destabilizing effect on you. "If you and your [partner] run into their ex and the exchange is normal, without any verbal or physical awkwardness, then they are probably more into you than their ex," Henry says. i don't see why dating someone who is using you is a step above being single. How come life is so unfair!!!!! His mistake is the more obvious one: It is deeply fucked that your boyfriend said his ex is more attractive than you. I'm not talking to the other girl because she's back with her fiancee.
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